Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
