she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
