ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize