***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
