We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
