are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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