ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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