We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
