My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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