He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
