This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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