This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
