Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
