there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
