you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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