Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
