i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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