I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
