is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
