i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We have started to decorate penises.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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