he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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