He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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