scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
