Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
