dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
