Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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