Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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