just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
