she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
