Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
