Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
