8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize