Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
