I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
