I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
