in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
