She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
