you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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