yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
