Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
