Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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