I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
