Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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