tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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