4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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