We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
