All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
