Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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