i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
