my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
