is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
