Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
