you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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