just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
