Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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