Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
