i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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