I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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