Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
God I need to hump something, right now.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
