you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize