How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
