Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
