the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
