I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I've blown a few things in my day
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
