on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
