He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
