Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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