Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
