Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
