I got chris browned last night
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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