Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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