Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
