you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
