happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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